


why don't you feel it?

by wowpil



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, jaepilweek2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 15:34:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14240373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wowpil/pseuds/wowpil
Summary: Roommates AU.Inspired by this news headline; https://i.redd.it/zsvwds0fhgsz.jpg (kind of a spoiler)The one where Wonpil has a habit of going on dates while Jae has a habit of staying inside to avoid any socialising.





	1. // J A E //

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello ~   
> This is my second and last contribution to #jaepilweek2018 made by @day6sailing on twitter!  
> I dedicate this fic to my jaepil senpai, the person who made me fall in love with this ship because of her jaepil thread, this one's for you, allia (@jaepilie)!
> 
> I saw her tweeting the picture and thought i'd try to write it and i hope i did well.   
> pls excuse any grammar mistakes & all that stuff! ok, without further ado, enjoy! x

**// J A E //**

 

A new chapter of Jae’s life had started here in Seoul, South Korea on a cold Thursday in September. He only just arrived two days ago after nearly 20 years of leaving his family’s culture to live in the sunny Los Angeles, California permanently. That was what he had initially thought because there was no valid reason for him to return to South Korea when he was living the best life he could possibly have in Los Angeles with the perfect weather, amazing group of friends and also the diverse community he had grown to love. In fact, he had spent the entirety of last year as his gap year by travelling to places around the world he never thought he would set his foot on with his friends and he made wonderful memories that he will cherish forever. However, life is unpredictable and loves to throw curveballs in Jae’s way as he navigates through it and he never thought that his life would lead him back to the place where his ancestors had lived—where his true culture lies.

Jae had made plans to go to California State University to study political science but somehow it didn’t go as planned. Instead, here he was in the cold, foreign Seoul where he will spend his next few years at Seoul Arts College to study music. He ended up from one end of the world to another simply because his parents decided it’s time for him to go back there and what better way than to send him to a college? Frankly, Jae didn’t protest the idea because he was quite curious to know his roots better even though he knew it would be difficult given the fact that he wasn’t fluent in Korean. He could speak the language but the words don’t just roll off his tongue like English for him and speaking in Korean made him feel less confident and more reserved. But he won’t let this stop him from learning what he’s passionate about which is music.

In the morning, he had gone to breakfast with his parents before they left for America while Jae stayed to enrol himself to college later that afternoon. After they bid their farewells, Jae left the hotel he had been staying and got himself ready for his new life.

-

Thankfully, the college provided dormitories for students so Jae didn’t have to go through the hassle of finding a place to rent. When Jae walked into the room he was assigned to, it was fairly small with two beds placed on opposite sides of the walls, two study desks near the windows and two cupboards for the purpose of storing their clothes. He thought it’s enough even though it’s small and hoped that his roommate was someone who he could count on to keep the room clean and tidy. He immediately noticed the pairs of shoes lining up near the door and the unmade bed on the right side of the room. Hmm, it seemed like his roommate had already moved in but he already left.

When he was in the middle of putting his clothes in his cupboard, Jae heard two voices approaching his room but the people stopped right in front of the door. He figured one of them must be his roommate but he hesitated to open the door as a gesture to welcome that said roommate because he could hear the two of them arguing over something.

“It was a good date, Jin. I really had a great time but I just didn’t feel any sparks between us.”

“But I did! Here, can’t you feel my heartbeat racing for you? That means I like you.”

“I’m tired, Jin. We can continue this later. OK, goodbye now.”

Jae quickly resumed his task when he heard the door being swung open by his roommate. He acted as if he had been busy with folding his clothes and didn’t listen to the whole conversation that went on outside.

“Uh, hi.” His roommate greeted him.

Jae finally tore his focus away from the folded clothes on his bed to see his roommate. He was met by a boy, not taller and not older than him with a sweet smile. Jae could sense that he was nervous to meet someone new but was trying to mask it with that smile. In his mind, Jae thought this boy looked very charming and kind. He was also very good-looking and Jae envied his roommate’s facial structure. It’s too perfect for a guy.

“Hi, I’m Jae.” He replied, extending his hand to offer a handshake.

The roommate flashed another smile, this one seemed more genuine than the other as he shook Jae’s hand. “I’m Wonpil. I’m sorry that you heard whatever’s going outside the door. Not exactly a good first impression.”

“Oh, I didn’t hear anything. Don’t worry about it.” Jae lied for his response, not wanting to be labelled as an eavesdropper by his roommate who also happened to be the first Korean person he’s talking to properly.

Since he had been here, it was mostly his mother that did the talking while Jae became the most unsociable person he knew which so was unlike him if compared to his personality back in California. Truthfully, speaking in Korean was a struggle for him now but he was trying his best.

“Don’t even try to lie,” Wonpil let out a chuckle, clearly amused with Jae’s attempt to lie, “I’ve been living here last semester and I know how the walls are paper thin.”

Jae laughed as his hand ran through his hair, a habit he does when he feels embarrassed, “I’m sorry. I guess that gives me a valid excuse to hear your argument with whats-his-name?”

“Kinda,” Wonpil smiled again, showing his teeth this time. “You’re not from around here, right? I’m not trying to be rude but the way you speak . . . I never heard anyone speak as slow as me and that’s saying something.”

“Yeah, I’m originally born in Argentina but then I moved to America. I’ve stayed in Seoul for a few months before but that was twenty years ago. My mother is Korean but my father’s American. So, that’s how I came to be, basically.” Jae explained, now sitting on his bed with his back resting on the wall to face Wonpil who was mirroring him on the other end of the small room.

Wonpil nodded, “Ah, I see. That’s interesting. I’ve only been in Incheon all my life. Going to this college is actually the first time I’ve been to Seoul. I feel extremely lucky to get to go to this college.”

“You said you’ve lived here since last semester?” Jae asked. He’s curious to know more about his roommate especially his age because he couldn’t be older than Jae. No, he couldn’t have been.

“Oh yeah, I enrolled last semester. I’m 19 this year.”

“I’m 21.” Jae was right, he was older than his roommate, “I took a gap year, more like a few years actually just to keep my mind at ease so I’m prepared to go back to studying.”

Wonpil’s gaped at hearing Jae’s age, “Oh my god, I’m sorry for not addressing you with honorifics! I thought we’re the same age.”

“Wonpil, it’s okay.” Jae couldn’t help but laugh at the younger boy’s action. “It’s totally fine.”

“Sorry, hyung . . . I—” but Wonpil’s sentence was cut short by a knock on the door.

Jae only stared at Wonpil when he got up from his bed to open the door to whoever it is. Clearly, Wonpil has a lot of friends already.

“Dowoon-ah!” Wonpil’s voice changed from the calm tone to a happier one, “I’ve missed you!” Jae watched how tightly Wonpil had embraced the other boy at the door.

“Ah, don’t be dramatic. We saw each other yesterday.” grumbled his friend.

“But I do miss you, Dowoon-ah!” exclaimed Wonpil, tightening his embrace that Jae swore could make the other boy breathless.

Wonpil’s friend took a peek into the room and made eye contact with Jae, “Who’s that? Another date of yours?”

Wonpil slapped Dowoon on his shoulder, “No! For your information, this is my roommate, Jae-hyung! I’m not really sure why they decided to give me one this semester but I’m fine with it.”

Dowoon freed himself from Wonpil’s hug to step into the room, “Hi, I’m Dowoon.”

“Jae.” was all Jae supplied as they shook hands.

“Good luck, hyung. Your roommate is a Casanova in this campus.” grinned Dowoon.

“Hey, don’t tell such lies! I only go out with guys, thank you very much.” Wonpil interjected as he closed the door again.

Jae was surprised at this new information about his roommate, Wonpil. He is an open-minded person and had met his fair share of people who like men but he never thought he would find someone like them as close to him in Seoul.

“Anyway, I’m going out actually. Want to join?” Wonpil asked, looking hopeful that Jae would say yes.

Jae hesitated because he wasn’t ready to socialise with other Koreans because of his lack of fluency in the language that could cause miscommunication. He sensed that Wonpil knew of his internal turmoil because he saw Wonpil coming closer to him to place a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

“Come on, it’ll be fun, hyung. Besides, there’s someone I think who could really help you feel at ease.” Wonpil said softly with another one of his charming smiles.

With that, Jae’s worries lessened and he nodded, “Okay, just give me a minute.”

-

Wonpil and Dowoon decided to bring Jae along with them to a coffee shop near the college where they claimed made the best coffee in the area. Jae wasn’t a fan of caffeinated drinks but he was happy that he got to tag along with them and saw more of what Seoul had to offer for him. It was almost 5pm and the weather kept getting colder that slightly bothered Jae who still needed time to grow accustomed to the change in temperature.

The strong smell of coffee beans and the warmth welcomed Jae as the three of them entered the coffee shop. He saw Dowoon raising his arm to wave at a booth occupied by two boys who appear to be around the similar age as Wonpil and he was sure he was the eldest among them all.

“Hey,” The one with a deep brown hair greeted Dowoon with a smile, “took you guys long enough. Who’s this?” He asked as he looked past Wonpil to see Jae.

“That is Pil’s roommate, Jaehyung. He’s older than all of us so . . .” Dowoon told as he slid in next to the deep brown haired boy who still remained unnamed.

Jae cut in to say, “You don’t have to tell everyone that. I’m only 21.” He didn’t like that he’s now older than most of his peers.

“This is the one I want you to meet,” Wonpil ignored the previous conversation to pull Jae closer to a boy with black hair, “This is Younghyun . . . or Young K . . . or Brian. Whatever you want to call him. He has lived in Canada before so he’s the one who can speak English really well among all of us. Figured he could make you feel at home, you know?”

Younghyun scooted closer to the wall of the café to make room for Jae to sit as Wonpil squeezed next to Dowoon on the opposite side, “Hey, you can call me any names. And you are?”

“I’m Jae. Is it okay if I call you Brian?” He chose that name because that was the only name he felt the most comfortable with. It felt like calling one of his friends back home.

“Sure, if it makes you feel more comfortable.” Brian replied in English and smiled that made Jae felt at ease.

“I’m Sungjin.” The deep brown haired boy finally introduced himself.

Jae nodded, “Nice to meet you.”

Jae’s new friends spent the next two hours requesting for his life story and Jae was feeling content for once people would give him attention to hear whatever he had to say. He always loves attention. Although he had some struggles to find the right words to say.

Once he finished talking about himself, the subject of conversation shifted to his roommate.

“Wonpil, is Jin giving you a hard time again?” Sungjin teased while stirring his cup of coffee with a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

“Ugh don’t get me started!” whined Wonpil. It seemed that he didn’t like this Jin guy, whoever he was. “I know that the second date was a mistake. That’s why I never go on a date with the same person twice but have you seen that guy’s face? I just can’t control myself.”

It’s hard to believe that Wonpil who appeared to be shy and introverted had gone on more dates than Jae ever had in his whole lifetime. Not only that, he learnt that Wonpil was completely comfortable with telling people his sexuality when homosexuality was still considered a taboo in South Korea, at least. Jae isn’t a judgemental person because he thinks everybody is entitled to love anyone they love regardless of gender. However, it kind of bugged him that Wonpil had multiple dates and probably had one night stands but there wasn’t anyone that was worthy enough to stick around in Wonpil’s eyes. Maybe, Wonpil just has really high expectations that are hard to be met.

-

It’s been a month since Jae met Wonpil and classes had been keeping Jae occupied. So far, it’s been a great experience since Jae loved what he was learning and his new friends, especially Brian who he’s the closest with among all of them. With Brian, he felt as though he was talking to his friends back home because Brian could actually understand his humour when he’s talking in English. Jae could have a better relationship with his roommate if only he didn’t go on dates almost three times a week. It would be a lie if Jae didn’t feel annoyed that Wonpil was constantly not in their room and leaving Jae all alone.

One night, Jae decided to start a conversation when Wonpil was in the room when he saw the clock was half-past 8 at night and he already knew it has passed the time he always leave for a date. He took this as an opportunity to get to know his roommate since they still don’t know much about each other compared to his friendship with Brian, who basically knows everything there was about Jae’s life.

“You’re not going out tonight?” Jae asked as he took a look at Wonpil from his study notes on his desk.

Wonpil was lying on his bed with a phone in his hands, fingers busy tapping on his screen. He only hummed in reply.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure.” Wonpil said, finally taking his eyes off of his phone screen to focus on Jae.

“Why do always go on dates? I’m just curious. Don’t you want to take it easy?”

“Most of the time, I’m not the one asking people for a date.” Wonpil retorted. “I just don’t know how to turn down people because I don’t like making people feel sad or rejected. So, if I just go on a date with them once, I don’t owe them anymore.”

“So, do you always sleep with them after dates?” Jae was curious because it’s been far too often that he woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Wonpil sneaking into their room. Jae is a very light sleeper so Wonpil’s poor attempt always fails but Jae would just pretend he doesn’t hear a thing.

Wonpil scowled, “No, I don’t! We only kiss and that’s all. That doesn’t even happen in every date.” With that, Wonpil lied down on his bed again and continued to tap away on his phone screen.

Jae sighed because he knew he ruined the chances of ever bonding with his roommate. He was so stupid to pry into Wonpil’s love life but he just couldn’t help himself. He wanted to understand his roommate better but he thought what he had done wasn’t the best way to do it.

“Hey, I’m sorry.”

Wonpil mumbled, “It’s okay. I’m just not used to having a roommate.”

“Trust me, me too.”

Wonpil rolled over to see Jae, now with a bright smile on his face. “I see you and Younghyun are getting along really well.” The smile turning slightly mischievous.

“Yeah, he’s a really good friend and I’m really glad that you introduced him to me.”

“Is that all that he is to you? A friend?” mocked Wonpil.

“Uh, yes . . . ?” Jae didn’t understand which direction does Wonpil wanted this conversation to go.

“You don’t find him any attractive?” Oh. So that’s where it’s going.

“He is attractive but I’m not like you.” Jae stopped mid-sentence to look his roommate in the eyes. “I like girls.”

“I see,” The smile now vanished to be replaced with a sour expression, “As if not liking the same gender as you not make you anything like me.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Jae huffed, angry with himself because he didn’t mean on hurting Wonpil’s feelings. Heck, he just wanted to make it clear about his sexuality.

Wonpil turned back to face the wall. “I’m tired so I’m going to sleep. Just switch off the lights when you’re done.”

Jae slammed his head on his desk in frustration because he can’t even have a conversation with his roommate without offending him. _Stupid_ , he muttered to himself.

-

“Jin hyung, please. Whatever we had is over.”

“I really like you, Pil.”

Jae’s ears perked up to the familiar voices from outside the door. He recognized the voices from Wonpil and the other voice must belong to Jin. Suddenly, the door swung open and the volume increased as Wonpil stepped inside and tried his best to close the door on Jin’s face but Jin had his hand firmly on it. This time, Jae finally saw Jin’s face through the crack of the door and he had to admit. The guy was really handsome and now it confused him on why Wonpil didn’t like him back.

“But I don’t. There’s no denying that you’re handsome and nice, not forgetting that you’re super rich but I just don’t think it’s fair if I go out with you without having any feelings.” Wonpil said softly with a feeling of sympathy and guilt building up inside him.

“Fine. I won’t bother with you anymore.” Jin planted a kiss on Wonpil’s cheek as his last goodbye. Before he left, he stared at Jae as if he was the competition before walking away.

Wonpil let out a sigh of relief as he threw himself on his bed when the door closed shut. “I hope he really doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“Why don’t you like him? He seems like a good guy for you.”

“He is,” sighed Wonpil as he stared at the ceiling, “He’s perfect, even. Just not my type though. He’s the one that really almost makes me fall in love but if it’s not meant to be, I can’t force myself. No one deserves to be loved by someone who isn’t sincere with their feelings.”

“What do you look for in a guy, anyway?” Once again, Jae’s curiosity got the best of him. He couldn’t figure why he was so interested to know about Wonpil’s love life. He just assumed that it was the easiest conversation starter for when he’s talking to his roommate.

“I like guys who aren’t afraid to say whatever’s on their minds, someone who doesn’t do everything just to please me. I’m tired of guys who are willing to anything for me. It’s boring. I want someone who isn’t afraid to tell me what they want instead of only fulfilling whatever wishes I have.” Wonpil explained, “This is what makes me not like Jin. He tries too hard to please me without ever putting himself first.”

Jae nodded as he listened to Wonpil’s words. He understood what Wonpil meant and he agreed. Relationships like that are quite a bore but some people might prefer that. Just not Jae or Wonpil.

“I hope you’ll find someone like that,” Jae said sincerely with a smile. He genuinely wanted his roommate to be happy with a boyfriend.

“Thanks,” Wonpil grinned and laughed, “But I’m not really sure where to find more. It feels like I’ve gone on dates with every gay guy on campus. What about you? What do you look for in a girl?”

“I’m on the same page as you.” Jae started. He didn’t think Wonpil would ask him for his preference. “Of course, there are times I want to treat her to a nice restaurant or something but I also want to do stuff my way and she accepts my decisions. You know what I mean?”

Wonpil nodded with a thoughtful look painted on his face, “You’re getting better in Korean. You sound just as confident when you’re talking in English with Brian. Although, I like listening to you speaking in Korean, not just because I can understand you but your voice is softer and you sound calm.”

“Thanks.” Jae replied with a big smile, feeling ecstatic to be given a compliment like that, “That means a lot to me coming from you.”

Wonpil beamed with the brightest smile Jae had ever seen so far, “You’re welcome!”

Then, Jae turned his back to Wonpil to continue with his studying, a smile still etched on his face. He’s happy for two reasons; his Korean was getting better and for once, his conversation with Wonpil had not ended on a bad note.

 

-

 

“Hey.”

Jae startled in his seat and plucked out his earbuds to turn around and saw Wonpil waving back at him before landing himself on the bed. He looked at his watch on his iPhone and surprised to see it’s almost 2 AM. He didn’t realise he had been studying for almost 4 hours because he didn’t feel sleepy at all.

“That guy is really bad at kissing,” Wonpil announced as he took off his beanie to reveal his light brown dishevelled hair. “That’s it. I’m never kissing guys on the first date.”

“Maybe you should just stop going on dates.” Jae commented as he spun his chair to face his roommate, “You know, take a break from it for a while.”

“What do you have against me? It’s my life!” His roommate suddenly burst out, “I can go on dates for how many people I want!”

“Well, you think it’s fun for me to hear you whining every bad date you had with a guy? Maybe you should try going on a date with a girl. Maybe that could help with your problem.” Even Jae himself couldn’t believe he had uttered those words but there was no turning back now. He really didn’t mean to say it but he just said it without processing his thoughts first. Damn you, brain.

“Wow, I can’t believe to hear that from someone like you!” Wonpil cried out, “I thought you Americans would be more accepting but clearly you’re not one of them.”

Before Jae could say anything to apologise or explain what he meant, someone yelled a “Shut up!” from beside their room, indicating both of them should just end their argument now before they get kicked out for making noise at 2 AM.

His roommate abandoned his bed and started rummaging through his cupboard for his clothes. He avoided any eye contact with Jae and told him, “I’m going to Dowoon’s room.” before he left with a backpack on his shoulder.

Jae slammed his fists on the table and groans because he was feeling mad at himself for uttering those words and why he can’t hold a decent conversation with Wonpil. Why is he so annoyed with Wonpil’s dating habit? He should just let his roommate do whatever he wants. Looking at the clock again, he figured it’s time he goes to bed.

-

“Heard you had an argument with Wonpil last night,” Brian said as both of them sat in an empty booth at the coffee shop near their college.

Jae wanted to ask how he found out about it but he figured it must be because Dowoon told him about it. It didn’t surprise Jae for him to know because Brian, Sungjin, Dowoon and Wonpil are really close and are the type of friends that wouldn’t keep anything a secret.

After what happened last night, Jae woke up to an empty bed beside him which was expected since he saw Wonpil left with a backpack. His roommate was going to ignore him for a while, not sure when he’ll come back. Jae hoped it will soon because he wanted to apologise.

“I really fucked up. I don’t know how to have a conversation with him without it ends up with a fight.” Jae was glad that he can finally tell someone about his problem with his roommate. Better now than never.

Brian suddenly stopped stirring his cappuccino and looked at Jae with a serious look, “Do you have a problem with Wonpil dating guys? Is that why you’re mad at him dating around?”

“No, I’m not. I’m not homophobic!” Jae affirmed, hating the fact that someone might think he was homophobic when he clearly wasn’t. “I’m just annoyed when I see him going out, you know? And I admit what I said was really ignorant of me. It just came out the wrong way.”

“Well, from what I heard, you did sound homophobic and dude, that’s not cool.” Brian retorted, “If you are, I’m afraid we can’t be friends anymore.”

“I’m not. I really am not.” Jae reassured Brian once again.

Brian patted Jae on the back with a smile, “Good, now you just need to apologise to Wonpil. He’s really hurt.”

Jae knew what he had to do and he can just apologise to Wonpil via text but he felt that his attempt would not seem sincere so he wanted to do it face to face. There’s also this heavy weight on him that he needed to tell Wonpil about his dissatisfaction about the whole dating routine that he thought Wonpil should know. Although, it doesn’t hurt to try and text his roommate to come back so they can talk.

 

_Wonpil, I’m sorry. Please come back so that I can show you how truly sorry I am._

Before Jae enters his class, he checks his phone with a flicker of hope that Wonpil would reply him but unfortunately, he was left on read.

-

On Friday night, Jae just finished with a group discussion at the college’s library and was looking forward to yet another empty room. However, his expectation turned out to be false when he almost had a heart attack since he could easily twist the handle of the door, thinking he made a careless mistake of leaving the room unlocked. But no. He saw someone inside, someone whom he had been waiting to meet again.

His roommate, Wonpil was busy trying on the clothes that were laid down on his bed in front of the floor length mirror beside his cupboard. It’s another date night for Wonpil, it seemed.

Jae put his books and bag on his study desk before he took a deep breath to say, “Wonpil, we need to talk.”

However, Wonpil acted as if he didn’t hear Jae’s voice as he is now busy with styling his hair. It’s as if he didn’t even hear Jae coming into the room.

Jae sighed, “Wonpil, just turn around for a second.”

Wonpil reluctantly turned around with a groan, giving Jae an eye roll then turned back to his original position in front of the floor length mirror.

“Wonpil, just turn around! I need to talk to you!” huffed Jae as he crossed his arms, feeling slightly infuriated. He’s tired of being avoided and even now when all he wants to do is to apologise for what he did days ago.

“You told me to turn around for a second and I did! Now can you just leave me be? I’m already late for my date!” His roommate fumed, finally acknowledging his presence but his eyes were still glued to the mirror.

“Can you quit messing with your hair and just let me talk to you?” Jae said softly, thinking that it’s better for him to not raise his voice when he’s trying to have a civilised conversation with his roommate. “Your hair already looks fine.” which was true and he couldn’t understand why Wonpil was trying so hard to make it seem better than it already was.

With a sigh, Wonpil finally turned around with his bottom lip jutting out as if to show that he was annoyed at Jae. His fringe that would always cover up his forehead when he goes to his weekday classes was now parted on the right side, making him looked more handsome as if that’s even possible. It’s true what Jae has said, his hair already looks good and didn’t need more of the hairspray or the styling cream.

“Fine, talk,” Wonpil demanded with his arms crossed.  

Jae looked at him from the bed he’s now sitting in the small room both of them live in the dormitory provided by their university. He silently admitted to himself that Wonpil looked dashing even in the simple outfit which consisted of plain white t-shirt with a black leather jacket and black ripped jeans. Of course, he won’t tell Wonpil about it. He didn’t want to give the younger boy the satisfaction especially when that’s not the point of why he’s trying to have this conversation.

“I don’t know how to say this nicely . . .” Jae started to speak as his mind began to think of better words to form a sentence.

“Ugh, just say it already! I’m already ten minutes late!”

This made Jae lose his cool and stood up from his bed. He wanted to take his time so he could choose better words to say to avoid another argument but Wonpil’s impatience made him feel angry knowing that his roommate wasn’t as invested as he was in this conversation.

 “Fine! I don’t like that you always go on dates every night and get back at 3AM in the morning smelling the guy’s perfume after you’ve slept with him!” He suddenly blurted out the things he had kept to himself. Shit, that was not the thing he was supposed to talk about right now.

“Seriously?” Wonpil put his hands on his hips, “That’s what you were so eager to talk about? After what happened last time? Now you’re just insulting me. Maybe I should just stop going on dates and be here with you all night. Is that what you want? Or are you just jealous of me having dates while you’re just sitting here every night eating ramen and watching YouTube videos?”

That hurt Jae hearing those words from the soft-spoken Wonpil that he thought he knows. Clearly, Jae had no knowledge of this side of Wonpil who could lose his temper and spurt out hurtful things. After all, Jae had no intention of starting an argument because he imagined the talk to have conversed in a civil manner but this has definitely taken a different turn. If Wonpil wanted to start up a row, Jae guessed it’s time he didn’t pull back.

“You think I would get jealous of someone who couldn’t even find a partner after going on like, what? 30 dates?”

“30?” Wonpil’s eyes widened as his face broke the angry façade, “Okay, this is just too much. I don’t have time to talk to you anymore. Before I leave, just admit that whatever reason you’re hating on me is that I like boys, right? That grosses you out, isn’t it? I thought you living in America would make you more accepting but no! You’re just the same as everyone else here!” His voice breaks at the end of his sentence, tears already welling up in his eyes.

With that, Wonpil left.

Jae now alone in his room, wishing he could get a do-over button because he has really fucked up all the chances to reconcile with his roommate.

-

The room was dark with a stripe of moonlight passing through the window that accompanied Jae during that night. It felt like he had laid there for hours after what had happened and the heated argument between him and his roommate was in a constant loop in his mind as if punishing him for being ignorant of his roommate’s feelings. Jae really didn’t mean to say those words but it’s just one of his worst reflex when someone insults him. It’s only natural for him to insult them back but he knew he shouldn’t have done so especially to Wonpil who has a heart of a delicate flower. He honestly hated himself when he saw those tears in his roommate’s eyes because he never intended to ever make him cry.

Jae’s thoughts were disturbed when there was a sound of a key twisting the doorknob of his room. He checked his phone and saw it was barely past midnight, which was strange for his roommate to come back so early on a date night.

“You’re back,” Jae said, getting up to sit against the wall on his bed.

“Yeah, thanks to you my date left before I even arrived.” Wonpil complained, taking off his shoes with eyes avoiding Jae, “I had to sit there at the restaurant alone, thinking he was the one who was late but turns out he stood me up, thinking I had stood him up.”

“Wonpil . . .”

Wonpil sighed as he climbed into bed, “Jae, if you’re just going to insult me again, can you please save them for tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

As much as Jae wanted to postpone, he knows it’s not going to help either of them if they save this for later. “Wonpil, just hear me out? You can just pretend to listen, I don’t know. I just want to be real with you now.”

There was no answer from his roommate who was already under his covers and his face facing the wall instead of Jae.

“Wonpil, I just want to say that I’m sorry. I’m just terrible at saying things, you know? I don’t know how to phrase my words. I have this habit of blurting things out without processing it properly in my brain before I say them.”

“So you don’t mean it when you’d rather have me be here being all sad knowing no one will love me than trying to go on dates to find the right one for me?” whimpered Wonpil.

“I never said that,” Jae sighed, “I’m also sorry for saying what I said the other day. I’m totally fine with your liking for guys instead of girls. I just think that you shouldn’t be looking so hard. Maybe there’s someone who is perfect for you just waiting for you to ask them out.”

“Like who?”

The words were about to come out of his mouth to reply but Jae stopped himself before it spills out. Was this a good time to say what he had been keeping to himself? It was already good enough that he had apologized and Wonpil sort of accepted it. Does he want to continue this conversation?

Jae knocked his head against the wall lightly as he pondered on what he should say next. After a while, he heard light breaths from Wonpil, a familiar sound to indicate that his roommate was already asleep and shook his head with a smile etched on his lips. Maybe another time? He stared up the ceiling of the dark room and whispered to himself, “I don’t have a problem with you kissing guys unless it’s me.”

Maybe next time he’ll tell.


	2. // W O N P I L //

**// W O N P I L //**

 

Morning came sooner than Wonpil had realised. He couldn’t sleep properly after he heard what his roommate had said last night. He wasn’t even sure if he was meant to hear those words because Jae said it as a whisper but the room was too quiet so he heard them loud and clear. He didn’t quite understand what to do with this new found information. He was sure that Jae only likes one gender and that is girls. In fact, Jae was the one who had made that clear. Then what was it that happened last night?

Wonpil couldn’t sleep facing Jae’s bed so he had been staring at the wall on his side for hours. He heard Jae’s alarm went off and that meant his roommate was about to wake up.

“Wonpil, don’t you have a class this morning?”

“Yeah.”

Wonpil felt a light tap on his shoulder, “Hey, are you sulking? Is that why you’ve been facing that wall for hours? You don’t even want to see this handsome face?”

“Can you not be annoying for just one day?” He grumbled and finally turned to see Jae’s so-called ‘handsome’ face. Okay, his roommate is handsome, but there was no way Wonpil wanted to help increase his roommate’s ego.

Jae’s smirk that had greeted Wonpil vanished to replace a discouraged look, “I’m sorry.”

Jae went back to making his bed while Wonpil contemplated on whether to bring up what he had heard last night or not. He wasn’t sure if what he heard was correct or was it just a figment of his imagination. Before he could conjure up the courage to ask, the sound of the door slamming shut woke Wonpil from his lingering thoughts.

Maybe later.

-

“Wonpil, are you okay?”

It had been a rather slow day for Wonpil since the classes for the day were a total bore and he was preoccupied with his own problems to solve. He didn’t even want to meet up with Dowoon after his classes ended but the younger boy insisted on paying for lunch so he accepted the offer because who wouldn’t want free lunch?

“I’m fine, Dowoon.” Wonpil replied reassuringly, sipping his hot coffee as if to stock up caffeine that could help him feel more proactive.

Dowoon studied Wonpil’s face with a serious look, “You don’t seem so. Was last night’s date that bad?”

Now, this was one of the reasons why he didn’t want to meet Dowoon. The person Wonpil was supposed to meet last night was a friend of Dowoon’s and he felt bad that he was the cause of the date not even happening. It made him feel guiltier especially when Dowoon had talked nothing but good things about his friend and he was actually looking forward to meeting with the guy. But his lack of punctuality for last night must have definitely left a bad impression.

“I didn’t meet up with him,” he said, eyes avoiding Dowoon, “I was late and he must have thought I was the one who stood him up.”

“Why were you late? You were never late for dates.”

Wonpil rolled his eyes as his mind started to fill with flashbacks of the events from last night, “It’s because of my stupid roommate.”

“You guys still haven’t made up?”

“We did,” Wonpil sighed, “But it took a long time to get there. He was wasting my time by saying shit that made me late. He apologised though, for real after I came back.”

Dowoon nodded, “That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, but now that we’re past . . .”

“Pil, there’s no need for pining over a straight guy.”

That was not the first time he had heard that from Dowoon. He knew his friend only wanted what’s best for him but life isn’t all rays of sunshine and rainbows. His friend was the only one who knew this little secret of him. That he had fallen in love with his own roommate who was mean to him throughout the months he had known him but he knows that Jae can be kind and passionate when he conversed with Younghyun, who seemed to be only one who could make Jae feel at ease. Wonpil envied that privilege that Younghyun has.

Dowoon continued, “He doesn’t even deserve you after all the things he’d said to you.”

“But he apologised . . .”

“No, Wonpil.”

Wonpil sighed, thinking that Dowoon was probably not the best person for him to tell about he had heard from Jae last night. He thought that from this lunch, he could at least get some advice from Dowoon about it but it was evident that his friend wasn’t fond of Jae and that was understandable after what Jae had said those crude words to him.

“Yeah, I get it.” was all he could say as he already felt defeated and starting up an argument with Dowoon would result in nothing good. He had enough fair shares of arguments with his roommate anyway.

-

After that lunch with Dowoon, Wonpil walked back to his dormitory alone even though his friend insisted to come along but he wanted to be alone for a while. He always likes to take walks around the campus whenever he had problems that needed to solve and walking seemed to really help in the past. Frankly, he was talking a long time to return to his room because he wanted to delay in confronting Jae as much as he can. He wished he wasn’t in this situation where he needed to confront his roommate for what happened last night. He almost wished that Jae wasn’t his roommate then his life would be less like a soap opera.

Although the café where Wonpil had lunch with Dowoon was only a 15-minute walk from his dorm, it took him an hour to get back to his room. He finally decided to go to his room when he was feeling slightly calmer and a clearer head than before. His steps felt heavy as he approached his room as if his body itself was reluctant to meet Jae inside.

When he opened the door, he saw Jae at his familiar spot, his study desk with his head bobbing to whatever song that was playing through his headphones. He could even hear Jae’s singing under his breath which made Wonpil feel a little bit at ease. He loves hearing Jae singing but his roommate would always stop whenever he caught Wonpil listening to him.

Jae turned around as the door closed shut with a smile, “Hey. How was your day?”

Wonpil knew this was Jae’s way of trying to be more civilised with him after he had apologised last night among other things. Frankly, Wonpil appreciated the effort but he was in no mood to talk about his day because it would just lead to talking about how his thoughts were occupied by Jae.

“Jae,” Wonpil called as he sat on his bed, he heard a shake in his voice but continued, “I heard what you said.”

“What are you talking about?” Jae’s eyebrows furrowed, taking off his headphones to completely immerse himself in the conversation.

“I don’t want to repeat those words so spare me please,” begged Wonpil. “Just explain why did you say them?” He couldn’t look in Jae’s eyes at this point because he was scared that he had misheard whatever his roommate had said last night. This whole conversation would be awkward if it turned out to be untrue.

There was a pause which almost felt like a forever. Wonpil’s heart was racing at this point when he heard Jae’s reply in a low voice, “You weren’t supposed to hear it. I thought you were already asleep.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t but I need to hear you say it. Why?” Wonpil finally dared himself to look at his roommate but his roommate’s eyes were focused on his feet, avoiding any eye contact.

Jae was still looking down and refusing to answer which made Wonpil’s blood boiled. “Goddammit, just please talk. I want to know. Don’t you know every time we fight, it hurts me? All I want is just to have a good relationship with my roommate but all I could think is how much he hates me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Jae murmured, “I never have, and will never.”

“Okay, but why did you say those words to me? Were you playing with me again?”

“You’re so oblivious.” His roommate chuckled, “Do you really want me to say it?” He lifted his head to meet his eyes with Wonpil, an embarrassed smile greeted him.

Wonpil felt a lump in his throat as his heart started to race faster than before. He didn’t know what to expect from Jae so he took his time to choose his words, finally settling with, “I won’t know it if you don’t tell me.”

“Fine, I’ll say it.” Jae smiled nervously. It’s reassuring to know that even his roommate was feeling the same way as he is at the moment. Nervous and anxious.

His roommate took a deep breath, “The truth is that I get jealous when you go on dates because you deserve better. It breaks my heart to hear you come back from a bad date because the guys don’t know how to treat you right. I know I don’t deserve you, but I can show you what it feels like to be loved. I know that I am better than those guys that you’ve been with. I don’t know why I have taken a liking to you even though the thought of having a boyfriend had never crossed my mind. But you made me questioned that. Love doesn’t always have to focus on one gender.”

Wonpil didn’t expect Jae to say those things because he thought he was the one whose love had been one-sided but it turned out that Jae might even felt the same way. It’s quite bizarre for Wonpil to even process what Jae had said. He never meant to make Jae feel sympathetic for him when he talked about his awful dates, in fact, he thought Jae never really took those stories seriously. Whenever Wonpil had finished the story of his bad date, Jae would simply give a comment or two, mostly to criticize on his choice of clothes for the date before he resumed his study. It had never crossed his mind that his roommate would be bothered by them and took those stories personally to heart.

“You’re not saying these things because you sympathize me, right?”

“No,” Jae shook his head, “I really meant what I said.”

“So . . .” Wonpil drawled, “You also really mean it when you said you don’t mind me kissing guys unless it’s you?”

“You said you won’t repeat that.” A blush crept up Jae’s cheeks as a sign indicating that he was feeling embarrassed that the sentence was brought up again.

Then, Jae’s laugh filled up the room which made the whole atmosphere less tense that it was. He was also covering his small face to hide his embarrassment that was very endearing for Wonpil to witness because it was a rare occurrence to have such conversation that would erupt laughter from his roommate.

Wonpil also joined in to laugh to ease his nervousness, “Oops.”

“I don’t know why I said that out loud.” Jae muffled in between his laughter. The sound of his laughter made the butterflies in Wonpil’s stomach buzzing like mad. “I just to make it clear to you that I was never being homophobic to you. It was more of my jealousy which I could not contain them properly.”

Soon, the room returned to its original atmosphere that was tense and also felt suffocating to Wonpil. He figured their conversation was over since he already got an answer from Jae but he wasn’t sure what to do with this new found piece of information. Where do they stand now? As friends or it could lead to something more?

 Jae cleared his throat to catch Wonpil’s attention, “You know how you always complain about the guys that don’t know how to kiss you right?”

Wonpil tilted his head in confusion as he tried to think where this conversation was leading to. At the same time, Jae stood up from his chair to approach him on the bed, to which he signals his head to the spot beside him as if to ask if it was alright to sit next to him there.

“Yeah and your point is?” questioned Wonpil, his hand patted on the spot next to him.

“Well, I have been told that I am a certified professional kisser,” Jae smirked.

Wonpil rolled his eyes, “Oh, please.”

“Therefore, I want to be the one to give you kisses that make you wanting more.” Jae smiled, “and I want to give you forehead kisses because I adore how you’re shorter than me. I also want to be able to hold hands with you while we walk outside.” He added with a nudge on Wonpil’s shoulder, “Oh, and when you’re feeling down, I want to be the one you would cuddle with.”

“But I already have Dowoon for that,” Wonpil mumbled. He couldn’t believe Jae had those plans in his mind and honestly, it made him feel like he was on cloud nine.

“Still . . .” Jae whispered, his right hand tracing the lines of the moonlight that fell on Wonpil’s bedsheets, also nudging the edges of Wonpil’s fingers momentarily, “I know this is all weird and I totally get it if you don’t want to give me a chance because I had been nothing but awful to you.”

“I have to admit,” Wonpil said as his eyes focused on his roommate’s face, “you are someone that I thought would agree to go on a date with me if I asked. But after we had that conversation where you said you only like girls. It shattered my hopes.” He ended with a bitter laugh, remembering how much his heart was aching at that time.

“I’m sorry, it was true back then. But then I realised the reason why I was always annoyed when you was because you go out all the time instead of spending your time with me.”

For a moment, Jae and Wonpil enjoyed each other’s company on the bed with their pinkies intertwining and only the moonlight illuminating the room. It was already past twilight since their conversation first started and Wonpil didn’t imagine it was going to end this way. They also had never sat this close before and it made Wonpil’s heart jumped when the first touch came from Jae but now he had grown to love it. He even rested his head on Jae’s shoulder as sleepiness started to creep up on him.

“Jae,” Wonpil whispered, “Can I ask you something?”

“Uh, sure.” was Jae’s reply but he actually sounded like the opposite.

Wonpil gathered all the courage that was left in him to announce his request, “Can you please kiss me?” He had lifted his head from Jae’s shoulder to study his roommate’s face.

“You’re sure?” Jae asked, already moving closer to Wonpil so there was no little distance between them.

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t. Plus, I need a confirmation that you are indeed, a professional kisser.”

“You don’t have to make up a lame excuse to justify your request, Pil.”

A warm smile appeared on Jae’s lips as he caressed Wonpil’s cheek with his thumb softly. His fingers traced the sharp jawline of Wonpil’s before he lightly pulled Wonpil’s face closer to him. Before Wonpil closed his eyes, he could feel Jae’s hot breath on his cheeks this close and he even saw Jae licking his lips. When Jae’s lips finally collided with Wonpil’s, it felt soft and wonderful. It was nothing like Wonpil had ever experienced before since he could tell that Jae was taking his time so he could be as gentle as possible. Jae’s right hand played with the soft hairs on Wonpil’s neck as he pulled him deeper for the kiss while his left hand stayed on Wonpil’s cheek, his thumb caressing the soft skin. It was perfect until Wonpil felt the warm feeling on his mouth disappeared and that was when he opened his eyes.

Jae retreated back to his original spot that made Wonpil feel cold instantly. He had missed the warmth that he felt a while ago. He looked at his hands instead of Jae because he suddenly was feeling shy and could feel there was a prominent blush on his face after that kiss.

“Hmm, not bad.” He commented sheepishly.

It was true what Jae has said. He does give kisses that leave Wonpil wanting more.

“Thanks, I guess?” Jae chuckled shyly with his hand raking through his soft blond hair.

“Alright, you have one chance to make this right.”

“OK, but you should promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Just focus on me. Don’t give your attention to other guys. Or else this won’t work.”

“Promise.” Wonpil laced his fingers with Jae’s which received a kiss on his knuckles soon after.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! pls give me kudos or comment or you can tweet me at @honeywonpil so i can improve on my future writings! this definitely won't be my last fic so i hope you'll anticipate my fics in the future! gbye x


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